Bread And Roses

Lovely! Prashant does great work!

2012-02-23T18:57:20.086-05:00

Lovely! Prashant does great work!

poiwOW..... 2012 AND NOTHING HAS CHANGED.. my sis...

2011-11-16T12:48:29.892-05:00

poiwOW..... 2012 AND NOTHING HAS CHANGED.. my sisters and I are going through this now with our 88yr old parents, who live at home and DRIVE. I could list all the problems but just read all the posts and you will see what we are going through.. thank you for the insight

This blog should continue, as there are many child...

2011-09-28T09:16:57.569-04:00

This blog should continue, as there are many children of elderly parents that need to ask for advice and/or vent their frustrations on this subject. My father passed away recently, and I always knew that the responsibility to take my Mom in would fall on me (my 2 brothers live 265 miles away). So far, we are working together, and my brothers and I have the best of intentions to provide the best care for my mother, and also to make sure we preserve our close relationship to each other. The only problem I currently have is figuring out a fair amount of room and board for my mother to pay me for her stay in my home. She suffers from dementia, and needs 24/7 supervision. She has the money, so the amount is the only hangup. It would cost at least $3900. for her to be in a supervised group home in the area, and even more for a nursing home facility. I live in the DC area, and would like to know how others handle this. I do not work much outside of the home right now, as I lost my job last year...but I was hoping to go back to work full time soon. Now, I would either need to pay myself a reasonable amount for her care, or bring someone in. I hope there is someone out there can share their experience with this?

This blog is so old, I don't know if anyone is...

2011-06-24T07:27:42.748-04:00

This blog is so old, I don't know if anyone is still on it, but thank you for leaving it up as it was really helpful for me to read. My mother has been cognitively impaired all her life due to not getting enough oxygen to her brain during her mother's labor. Now she is experiencing the onset of dementia. My only sister is also cognitively impaired and my father was an abusive tyrant. I've been in the lifelong position of being responsible but not having the authority to effect very many useful solutions. The situation continues, but I have temporary conservatorship now and, hopefully soon, permanent conservatorship, which (hopefully) will help me protect and take care of her.

Greetings Friends! The bottled water boycott is a ...

2011-04-23T23:10:04.427-04:00

Greetings Friends!
The bottled water boycott is a battle cry for consumers to form a collective conscious in a process to rescues the planet, influence big business, save money, improve health, and quench the globe’s thirst with cleaner, healthier, cheaper water for all.
www.bottledwaterboycott.com

Let's Unite & Change the World,
Carlton Krumpfes

I am estranged from my parents. Toxic and abusive ...

2010-07-31T10:23:07.861-04:00

I am estranged from my parents. Toxic and abusive people. For my own mental and emotional health, I have quarantined them from my life. I am an only child.

Most of the posters feel a moral responsibility to care for their parents, which leaves them hamstrung. My question is, what is my LEGAL responsibility.

Years ago out of concern and a need to clarify what my own future duties or financial responsibilities would be, I asked my mother what her end-of-life wishes were. She basically told me to F*** right off and she could take care of herself, thank you very much. I think she was offended that I was starting to think of such things, because she did not want to view herself as old. Still in her 60s at that time.
Whatever.

But I'm taking her at her word. She's told me to F off, not to butt in? (she's done it more than once) I'm going to respect those wishes. If I get any phone calls from anybody, even if she's becoming a danger to herself and others, or a pawn to a confidence trickster, I won't take it on. There are worse things than becoming a ward of the state, if that's what it comes to. If she has made no preparations, then that too is a choice, a choice she made a long time ago, when she was compos mentis.

I'm not going to protect her from the consequences of her own choices. Choosing the way one exits this life is still their choice. It can be painful and protracted, it can be narcissistic and self-absorbed, it can be disrespectful to others, it can be damaging to others, it can be unnecessarily financially costly. It's still their choice. How they do it is up to them. Limiting their ability to be damaging to my life and well-being is up to me.

The distinction between moral responsibility (which is yours, and only yours, to decide) and legal responsibility is an important one. Don't let guilt cloud your ability to do right by yourself.

Hi Linda, Great to hear that you and Doug are at ...

2010-07-20T01:26:44.497-04:00

Hi Linda,

Great to hear that you and Doug are at Sioux lookout.

I'm at Jane's till the end of the month. It is a glorious space, and still invites wonderful conversations here.

All else is well.
Regards to you and Doug,
Prash

Oh I agree and so composers are going to electroni...

2010-05-03T10:32:38.322-04:00

Oh I agree and so composers are going to electronic music, techno, jazz, ambient music... whatever flavour of the moment and actually some exciting stuff is coming out. I am kind of demoralized too with the state of things in the arts "business" these days. I recently left an organization where I began by working my tail off and trying to get the Board to do their side of the job. Failing that, my own wings got tired of flapping and trying to hold up the entire organization. Putting governance in the hands of community volunteers on arts boards means that you are always going to be pressured for conservativism and mediocrity in artistic programming while pressured to "put bums in seats" at an unrealistic level of expectation based on a mistaken idea that live symphony or chamber music has EVER been supported by ticket sales alone. 50% has always been donations, government, sponsorship (including inkind such as a free space).

Check out http://musicisland.ning.com for my little hobby. In the videos, Torben Asp and AldoManutio Abruzzo videos are new music... and also Storm in a Teacup that shows a virtual multimedia art experience (rather poorly as it was so much different to be ON the teacup whirling through space)

I should be forthright and tell you my name. If yo...

2010-05-03T09:48:12.312-04:00

I should be forthright and tell you my name. If you're interested, google Shane Fage.

Anyway.

I spent a lot of time working upon commissions here in Canada but mainly freelancing in Europe. I will say that it is a fantastic lifestyle but wow, it's no walk in the park. I remember saying to a colleague: "if one spent the amount of time they 'should' be spending upon marketing, you'd never get any writing done."

So, yes, I did the best I could. I can honestly say that -for years- I only wrote commissions. One could say that I was lucky. I only remember working my tail off. Unfortunately, I broke even, at best.

... but here comes the reality:

Those student loans weren't going to go away. Neither was car insurance, rent, et cetera.

Jobs in academe weren't falling from the sky. They still haven't picked up.

The reality is: If one wishes to do "real" composition, it is much, much more than a full time job. One works seven days a week. That's just the way it is. At the same time, a person has to earn a living somehow. Eventually, they have to face reality --and more government grants is not the answer.

I've stopped writing. I don't see the point any more.

It might seem that my post is about me. It's not. It's about a lot of people 'like' me. A lot of us have stopped. We certainly aren't going to make a living having our music played on an obscure CBC Radio Canadian Composer's link.

Oh and I would not measure the strength of the res...

2010-05-03T08:26:33.866-04:00

Oh and I would not measure the strength of the response by there being only 3 posts on my blog. My article was one of many in many blogs around the country and a lot of debate went on. People don't take the time to comment on blogs generally, instead they twitter them or send a link to a friend. Comments are quite rare.

I don't think serious music will ever die, it ...

2010-05-03T08:22:03.257-04:00

I don't think serious music will ever die, it just moves around. You know how the artists all move into a neighbourhood and it becomes cool and so rich people buy it and the artists move out (and then the neighbourhood becomes bland and boring). Think Yorkville 30 years ago and today. Well the same thing seems to happen in the realm of arts practice and dissemination. Serious music practice has moved out to the internet and even into virtual reality (where I have my music project). And serious music fans are turning off their radios and tuning in online.

It's unfortunate. Music -"serious music&q...

2010-04-30T01:11:26.822-04:00

It's unfortunate. Music -"serious music" in particular- appears to be dying.

There are only 3 comments here. That should tell us something.

Hi Linda, I'm in Bangalore right now, with a ...

2010-01-26T06:27:31.903-05:00

Hi Linda,

I'm in Bangalore right now, with a locked knee, might have to do an arthroscopy soon.
Thanks for the visit.
Tea in Toronto should happen this summer.
Ta ta,
Prash

I STILL can't get over the loss of 2 New Hours...

2009-08-14T04:22:01.383-04:00

I STILL can't get over the loss of 2 New Hours, and I used to go to great bother to listen to it online, despite the time difference (GMT). For all those people who think Two New Hours was not popular, they are wrong. Nearly every Canadian I've ever come in contact with has told me how much they loved that show. It was one of the shows that influenced me to get into radio, so it's a complete and utter shame that it no longer goes on air.

I feel relieved reading that I am not alone. We a...

2009-06-09T16:39:01.421-04:00

I feel relieved reading that I am not alone. We are dealing with a 89-year-old mother who kept falling at home and was incontinent a lot of the time not being able to get to the toilet in time, a dad who isn't physically able to help her anymore and they both had been falling with him trying to help her. She is in a nursing home getting therapy so she can hopefully return home and one sibling and his wife has offered to leave their home two staes away and stay with my parents for a few months to make sure they can manage on their own. This would involve bringing their 7 year child along. My dad called them last night and started in on what he would and would not allow the 7-year-old to do in his house. They are turning their lives upside down to come and stay and help them out, and he is saying he can't tolerate the 7 year old. If it were me, I'd tell them never mind - stay in the nursing home. I am so frustrated with this whole situation. I can't say that they were very good parents when I grew up. They provided custodial care but somehow seemed unable to express love. I knew they loved me and now that they are older they seem to want to show love, but that doesn't make up for a childhood of not feeling loved. In a way I would like to treat them the same way they treated me; as a kid they were there physically with food and shelter, but not emotionally. Any hurts that I had, they didn't seem to care. I remember feeling very abandoned. So I struggle with feeling why should I care about them now? Especially when I heard about my dad basically biting the hand that is trying to help them by saying he can't live with their daughter. Honestly, I hope I die before I get like that. And I will make sure I have arrangements made so my kids never have to go through this. I have spent $420 in gas in the last two weeks running back and forth to "be there" for them. That is besides all the work I have missed in the last two weeks. And then they commented how nice it is that my brother is there every second he can be, even though he travels out of town for work for over a week at a time. And the 7 year old made a picture for her grandma saying she hopes she gets better, and brought her 2 bracelets she had made. No one even said "thank you" to the little girl. I'm fed up with my parents.

You should check out http://www.newmindspace.com/ ...

2009-05-20T10:04:28.898-04:00

You should check out http://www.newmindspace.com/ for news of great events. We are probably coming up to a new Bubble Battle... one of the most peaceful fun gatherings of the past few Toronto summers.

great info, the kind of things we need to be payi...

2009-05-20T09:40:25.593-04:00

great info,

the kind of things we need to be paying attention to as we try and start our record label. Marketing firms? Staff? . . .hopefully one day these things are within our reach.

thanks

People have varied interests. A wise organization ...

2009-05-20T09:34:00.183-04:00

People have varied interests. A wise organization tries to provide a wide variety of old and new work.

I like how you've depicted the importance of provoking and supporting living artists instead of just continuing to appreciate the greats. On the one hand a big name might bring in the crowds, but a community needs to live and grow for it to thrive.

Something happens in live performance that has no equal. Especially when that performance involves a display that is entirely new to the audience- like the new work of a living composer. Its inspiring to everyone involved.

Classical music on CD? Honestly, i've never been a fan. Played live however, i find it absolutely captivating- one of my very favourite outings. I only wish i could afford to go more often.

There are talented creators living today in all the arts, even if we haven't heard of them all yet.

You've got to wonder what future generations will think of us? Most of our resources go towards the sale and shipment of plastic goods. Very little is being dedicated to the creation of things which endure like arts and culture.

This is really great, i had no idea this type of t...

2009-05-20T09:04:20.238-04:00

This is really great, i had no idea this type of thing was going on, it reminds me of the artists group who go around painting bike posts and guardrails with used paint. . .bombing my own garden with some seeds later today.

Since periodically people are still finding this a...

2009-05-13T19:23:00.000-04:00

Since periodically people are still finding this article and commenting I thought I should post that my mother passed away last year. As she became more and more infirm the complications of having no Power-of-Attorney and no Living Will became more acute and an ongoing battle. I was fielding 4 to 6 telephone calls a day on things and would go around in circles with insurance companies, doctors, people at the nursing home in trying to get her things she needed. It took four times as long to get her the fitted wheel chair that would help prevent a sore back. Had she made proper provisions for a legal decision-maker, she would have been so much better cared for, and I would have had more time to visit instead of having so much time spent in business issues there was no time left for just visiting.

At one point someone wrote a rather nasty comment here... the only one that was unkind... and I didn't publish it. I am actually sorry now that I didn't. It was of the "ungrateful bitch, you just wait until you are old and need help" variety.

Sigh.

Well I'm not going to wait. I am going to make sure that my kids have the Power of Attorney and Living Will that they will need to easily get things done if I become incapable.

I don't expect my children to take me into their homes. I like my privacy and would be much happier in a retirement or nursing home than intruding on my kids lives.

My mother made choices in life that assured that she would be remembered as mostly being very difficult, instead of taking the time to love and be loved.

I'm an only child since my only brother past away ...

2009-01-13T10:29:00.000-05:00

I'm an only child since my only brother past away nearly 10 years agao. And my mother had passed on 3 years before from cancer. So it's been put on me by reletives and medical personel to deal with my father of 77 that has been going down hill with his alcholol abuse for the past 2 years. In the course of that time, he's in constant denial that his falling is due to the abuse and he refuses to eat properly and take his medications.

Last month he had a serious fall into his clock that has a glass door. This which cause a big, deep laseration in his face and cut the side of his eye. You would think this would be the wake-up call he needs to stop the foolishness about the abuse. He spent the holidays recovering in a hospital and a nursing home. The whole time he was there, he harped at me every day wanting to go home to his house for which he also lives alone with a dog. The day after I get him home, he's resumed not to eat properly, not getting proper sleep, refused to take his meds for his eye, and not wanting to take his meds fro the alcholism. Nor does he want to go to his doctor appointments. And he managed to find the spare key to my brother's truck that he took care of since he passed, to drive to the nearest liquier shop to by a big bottle of vodka.

I get occational calls from his neigbors and family that he hasn't been answering his phone and they expect me to stop what I'm doing to leave from where ever I am to see what he's up to. And from his neighbors, they expect that I should get permission to check on him. I told them they have free reign to do so.

I'm so sick of family "patting me on the head" telling me "it's all on you now. Call us if you need anything." And I imply that I need them NOW! And they don't budge to step up!

His neighbors keep telling me that they are so worried that he'll fall again in the house. I told dad, That I am physically incapable to pic him up. Especially when he's completely blattered. And no matter who I get to take care of him in the house, he's not still going to use his walker and still fall.

I've had some of his older reletives suggesting that I should halt everything in my life and move in with him. There is not enough room for us both in his house or mine. Nor are our lifestyles. Our personalities clash too much. And given the hell that he's put me, my mom, brother, and other past wives through with the drinking, I refuse to go through it again. I've never really had a quality relationship with him because of it.

And he's become very argumentitive, about the abuse to his living standards. He refuses to budge. He can still take care of his needs from bathing to paying his bills, but his balance, reasoning, and memory has been damaged by the alcohol.

People, friends, organizations, and family have harped at me with the "you need to do this, you need to do that" not realizing that I've been trying to do it, but I keep getting run-arounds and brick walls. They all expect me to do it all on my own. It's not their problem.

Andmy father's depression is really been taxing to the point that I don't want to deal with going to the house anymore. He's depressed about my brother, his health, and how other people he's been close to have also died. BUT...it's expected of me. My daughterly duty!

I just want to just run away from it all and leave him to his devices. I have just had it with it all!

If he would only relise he has an alcholo problem and get help. That would lift a big burden off my sholders. But until then, I'm left with this ball-and-chain responsabilty.

i am experiencing the same thing with my mother as...

2008-11-19T03:03:00.000-05:00

i am experiencing the same thing with my mother as you are describing with yours. an added problem is that my 78 yr. old mother is abusing xanax -she keeps getting doctors to prescibe it against my urging that it makes her drunk, staggering to the point that she has fallen twice. the first fall resulted in two arm surgeries for her broken elbow. she lives 60 miles from me, won't move closer, and her only other child is my sister who lives out of state (conveniently for her) and refuses to help with any of the day to day problems. my mothers neighbor and a neice call me expecting me to solve this when the law here doesn't allow me make decisions. and the power of attorney we have is meaningless since it doesn't "trump" her decision to overturn any decision we make. so frustrating, it's like we have to wait UNTIL she hurts herself before we can do anything. and these doctors that keep prescribing for her. today i put them on notice that i will hold them responsible for another accident that she has since they refuse to declare her incompetent in order for me to have the authority to make decisions regarding her safety and well being. i'm so frustrated that i am at the point of saying she's on her own. the laws are tying my hands and the doctors are almost as bad.

I think that we also need to ask why we are not he...

2008-07-07T18:55:00.000-04:00

I think that we also need to ask why we are not hearing more from music leaders. What is silencing the orchestras, ensembles and musical organizations in the country from speaking out?

Audience members need to ask their orchestras and music series to speak out t defend their music on the radio.

I am the greatest fan of Canadian classical music....

2008-07-06T14:57:00.000-04:00

I am the greatest fan of Canadian classical music. I listened to 2 New Hours always. I was disgusted when the CBC got rid of it and other wonderful programs on March 19, 2007. So they want to be more "mainstream" and appeal to a younger crowd. At a time when the CBC, and other news sources, love to tell us all the time about our "aging population". I agree with you totally that they should bring back 2NH, In Performance, Music for Awhile, West Coast Performance, and other great shows they thoughtlessly dumped. Before 3/19/07 I was tuned in to CBC radio 2 almost daily. Not so now. Bring those shows back, and I'll listen regularly again. By the way, I'm a relatively young 40 years old.

Hi Robin! Wow that was you at the concert yesterd...

2008-05-26T08:40:00.000-04:00

Hi Robin! Wow that was you at the concert yesterday. I am so glad you could join us. We have a concert almost every week. The prior week it was a wonderful early music performer/professor from Holland. She sang songs of Hildegard von Bingen, accompanying herself variously on lap harp, hurdy-gurdy and other medieval instruments.

I spotted that I had linked to a PowerPoint presentation with links in error. I have put the correct version in place now. The conference site also now has the presentation available as pdf, but did not post the Word document which is really more informative for anyone wanting to actually do an SL music project.